Under normal circumstances I'd be ticked off that Christmas news crept in to the Halloween season. Never mind the fact that this is any horror fan's favorite time of the year, the fact that the constant bombardment to fill the landfills of the future with plastic trinkets meant to prove how much one loves their friends and family intrudes on our lives earlier each passing year. Forget the Faux News War on Christmas when the holiday if capable of waging bloody battle on our good senses and wallets on its own, thank you very much. If declared emperor for a day my first decree would be no Christmas decorations, advertisements or music could be mentioned until after Thanksgiving. Violators of this law would be locked into a small, windowless room which blared John Tesh's A Romantic Christmas album on a continuous loop at a volume that pushed the speakers just past the point of clipping and there would be a handgun on a table in the center of the room. Whether or not one chose to take advantage of their second amendment rights, they're only coming out of that room one way: tits up.
Anyways, I hope the above illustrates my disdain for any mention of Christmas under normal circumstances. However, the news of the imminent arrival of Steven C Miller's loose remake of Silent Night, Deadly Night has me a bit giddy and more than happy to make an exception. Miller's previous film, The Aggression Scale, is one of my favorite releases of this year and I'm on his band wagon. If you haven't checked the film out yet, go get your hands on it as Miller created a near perfect mashup of Home Alone and First Blood. If that doesn't get you amped up to see what he can do with a hatchet wielding Santa Claus then you're most likely reading the wrong site.
The only bad news is the film is getting the release treatment that has befallen any genre movie not filmed on your mom's camcorder for the price of a carton of smokes and a few Happy Meals. Instead of terrorizing a couple thousand screens, Anchor Bay will put Silent Night, Deadly Night in theaters in ten cities on November 30th, followed by a DVD/Blu Ray release on December 4th.
As far as the particulars of the film go, I'll leave this one to the capable hands of the marketing department:
A loose remake of the
horror classic Silent Night, Deadly Night, the film’s
stellar cast includes Malcolm McDowell (Rob Zombie’s Halloween,
Easy A), Jaime King (Sin City, My Bloody Valentine 3D),
Donal Logue (Shark Night 3D, Blade), Lisa Marie (Sleepy
Hollow), Brendan Fehr (Final Destination, X-Men First Class),
and Ellen Wong (Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World).
McDowell and King star as
a small-town sheriff and deputy on the hunt for a murderous Santa
Claus terrorizing their community on Christmas Eve. But with the
streets full of Santas for the annual Christmas parade, the killer is
hiding in plain sight. He’s made his list, checked it twice, and
the naughty are going to pay with their lives.
So what do you think? Are you ready for an updated take on a murderous Santa? Will thy work in anything as awesome as Linnea Quigley getting impaled by antlers? Will our Santa "PUNISH!" the naughty? Will we even skip ahead a chapter and get some garbage time?
Hell yeah, I can't wait for this!
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