What Did Our Favorite Horror Personalities Find Under Their Tree?

On behalf of Chris, here’s hoping all our readers had themselves a very Merry Christmas. With the holidays in full bloom it has been a bit slow around these parts. Speaking for myself, I thoroughly enjoyed spending my first full Christmas season with wife and daughter, and that left little room for writing. Don’t worry though, things are about to get back to normal, and the following week we’ll be putting a bow on 2011. First, let’s take one last moment to suck in the holiday, and reflect on what I hope a few of certain horror personalities find in their Christmas stocking tomorrow morning.

Tom Six- A new idea. While I enjoyed the novelty of the first Human Centipede, and Dietrich Laser ‘s mad scientist was one to add to the pantheon, the second film is nothing more than an exercise in excess. It’s a big “fuck you” to fans and critics surprised at how tame the first actually was. Featuring getting chiseled out of mouths and faces stapled to asses in up close and personal detail but a fat, mute midget isn’t my idea of a good time. There’s no doubting Six has talent and can market an idea. Let’s see him develop something new instead of carrying on with this franchise.

Ashlynn Yennie Conversely, I’d like to see the middle section from the first film and head of the second (now that’s movin’ on up like the Jeffersons!) get a chance to display her talents in something that doesn’t require someone’s mouth to be sutured to her bunghole.

Wes Craven & George Romero- A gold watch. Some circles debate whether Craven deserves the title of “Master of Horror”, but anyone with Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare on Elm Street and the first Scream film on their resume has earned the rank.  However, his recent output demonstrates a skill set on the decline. My Soul To Take is a convoluted, ugly and unwatchable mess. Scream 4 is good for a view, but it’s ultimately a weightless film whose attempts to skewer modern horror conventions come up feeble when compared to the first entry. As for Uncle George, seeing his name atop Deadtime Stories served as a reminder that it’s been a long, long time since Day of the Dead.  Perhaps it’s times for these luminaries to step away from the camera before their reputation suffers further.

John Carpenter One more masterpiece. By all accounts The Ward, Carpenter’s first feature in over a decade, is no great shakes. I’m holding out hopes that the project-for-hire was simply a matter of shaking off the cobwebs, and the man that brought us Halloween, The Thing and Escape From New York has one more crown jewel left.

AJ Bowen A role that makes him a household name. From A House of the Devil to The Signal to his bang-up performance in A Horrible Way To Die, Bowen is often the best thing on screen in anything he appears. However, part of the downside of starring on smart, character driven indies is your film gets shown on a handful of screens if you’re lucky and only the horror diehards get to appreciate this guy’s talent. Here’s hoping the Lionsgate Film’s hotly anticipated home invasion film You’re Next will provide him the wider audience he deserves.

Richard Marr Griffin For Murder University to get the funding it’s asking for. The director of The Disco Exorcist, Atomic Brain Invasion and upcoming thriller Exhumed is fast becoming a modern day Roger Corman. His films are fast, cheap to make and highly entertaining. His upcoming horror comedy is a gimmick free affair looking to take the horror comedy back to school. By the way, you can help make this Christmas wish come true by clicking the link in our sidebar and making a contribution. 

The Soska Sisters For American Mary to make the twins household names. Their feature film, Dead Hooker In A Trunk comes out stateside on DVD courtesy of IFC Midnight soon. The follow up takes a darker turn that the fun, 42^nd St cinemas inspired romp. I for one am excited to see what they come up with when they have more money to play with beside what they can redeem from cashing in a vanload of empty soda cans.

Sam Raimi For a visit from the Ghost of Deadites Past that will show him handing the reigns over to an untested director, doing away with Ash and moving from Three Stooges inspired slapstick towards a darker story that focuses on a girl’s struggle with drug addiction does not make for an Evil Dead film. It’s time for the most nattily attired director in Hollywood to take the reins back on his baby and bring Bruce Campbell and his chin back for the ride as well.