We’ve done our best of list previously (check out my list and Chris’ list), so now it’s time to wag the finger a bit and some of the clunkers of 2009. I’ve read a lot of blogs this past week that are saying 2009 was a down year for horror, but I’d have to disagree. There were some great films to hit the theater and the home shelf this year. I can only chalk up the negative attitude towards this year to the fact that some movies and trends were so terrible; the collective sour egg of a fart they left behind cast a pall over an otherwise memorable year.
Without further ado, let’s line up some of the clunkers and where they went wrong:
The Unborn This movie should have been titled The Unwatchable. The combination of a convoluted mess of a story involving unborn twins and absolute no scares to be found on a single frame of film does not make for a good way to kick of the year.
The Uninvited Elizabeth Banks shouldn’t play evil. Ever. She’s one of the cutest women working in Hollywood right now, and everything about her exudes niceness. She should be punching Sandra Bullock in her snout right now while attempting to wrest away the title of rom/com go-to-gal instead of trying to pull off the evil step mom act in this remake of the vastly superior Korean film A Tale of Two Sisters.
My Bloody Valentine 3-D I don’t understand the collective scorn the Friday the 13th and Halloween 2 reboots receive from the horror community while this turd burglar remains relatively unscathed. It removed all the suspense and spot on casting of the first movie and instead gave the audience funny glasses to wear. The “twist” in the end was obvious to anyone that’s ever watched a horror movie or didn’t grow up eating lead paint.
The Haunting in Connecticut Singlehandedly the worst movie I paid to see all year. I caught this in order to escape a massive traffic jam commuting home one night, and fully believe my time would’ve been better spent sitting in gridlock. Completely lazy, unimaginative and unneeded CGI along with gaping holes in plot and logic that you could drive the Ghostbusters van through. Nearly everyone on the film looks like they’re acting and coming down from a bad head cold at the same time. It is putrid mess of a movie. Here’s a word of advice to you: if you’re renting a house and it is haunted, break the lease.
The Stepfather-In a year of lazy remakes, this one takes the cake. The only good thing that came of it is it led to the release of the original film, starring Lost’s Terry O’Quinn. If anything, this crapfest shows just how illogical it would be that anyone can hide in plain sight in the days of Google, GPS, and 24 hour surveillance. There’s suspending disbelief, and there’s asking a gown man to accept Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are real, and are tag team champions in the fairy tale wrestling federation. This film falls into the latter category.
Jennifer’s Body Listening to Megan Fox try to keep pace with Diabolo Cody’s quick paced snarkalouge is like listening to Stuttering John try to recite the Gettysburg Address. Ugh.
Saw 6 If a horror movie isn’t going to be scary, then it should at least be fun to watch. The Saw series hasn’t been either since the first installment many years ago. Creatively running on fumes, this tired franchise got pummeled by a movie that cost less to make than a Toyota Matrix. Can anyone make sense of the convoluted storyline that is the last batch of Saw films? The sixth film is great entertainment for those that enjoy attending public executions and pulling the wings off butterflies.
Finally, 2009 became the year that bashing the Twilight series became more tiresome than the books or films themselves. Can we all take a collective breath and agree that the Twilight saga has next to nothing to do with horror, nor is it geared towards the hardcore or even casual fan of the genre? Yes, the books are terrible drivel and the movies remind of a two word review of one of Spinal Tap’s albums. At the end of the day, we’re not the target crowd, girls from the age of thirteen to sixteen are. If we’re going to rip on Twilight, we might as well rip on the Jonas Brothers and horsies in our blogs for all the relevance they have to horror. Ripping on Twilight has become akin to playing cards with your uncle’s retarded kids. It’s just too easy and in the end, not all that much fun. Instead of killing your little sister, cousin, niece et al for swallowing this drivel up, maybe steer them in the direction of Near Dark, the Lost Boys, Buffy, Daybreakers or any of the other vampire stories that have been done right over the past few decades.
Stephen King returns to the small towns of Maine for his latest novel, stomping grounds he’s made a living in for the past three and a half decades. Chester Mills has a population just south of 2000, though that number will be drastically reduced by the end of Under the Dome. On a gorgeous fall afternoon, an invisible shield surrounds the town, impenetrable on either side. The first victims are a woodchuck and a flying instructor and pilot as they crash into the dome’s surface. The carnage mounts as shortly thereafter as the townspeople panic once they realize they’re trapped and cut off from the rest of the world.
King sets up an interesting experiment with this latest novel. The residents are in essence ants trapped under a magnifying glass for the author and readers entertainment. He keeps the novel in high gear as there’s rarely a lag in the action-the whole story takes place in less than a week. King also explores political and environmental questions in his latest work. Despite all the messages we have about recycling and conserving energy, by and large most people believe we live in a world with infinite resources. When the Dome goes around Chester Mills, its residents must confront a reality where food, water and power have a fast approaching finite limits. The most important question after “When will the Dome be removed?” is “what happened to all the propane tanks that power our generators?” King explores two sides of how we view natural resources. Some come together to pool what they have, firm in their belief that everyone needs to band together in a time of crisis. The majority take the view that possession is nine tenths of the law, as they grab, scrounge, loot and horde anything not nailed to the ground.
Politically King’s novel serves as an indictment of the Bush administration. King reduces their eight years in office to the scale of small town politics and the bully pulpit that thier ilk so often reperesent. Standing in for George Bush is Chester Mills’ first selectman Andy Sanders. Andy is a nice enough guy, the kind of person you’d slap on the back at the town BBQ, but ultimately he’s a dupe and a puppet for the town’s real power. That man is Big Jim Rennie. Jim is the town’s second selectman and owner of the town’s used car lot (You’ll Be Wheelin’ cuz big Jim is Dealin’!). Big Jim has effectively manipulated the first selectman for years and everyone knows he’s the real power behind the town. He’s a religious hypocrite, fond of consoling constituents whose loved one have perished that they’re “Eating dinner with Jesus tonight. Roast Beef and mashed with apple cobbler for dessert”. Like Dick Cheney, Rennie is interested in one thing-power. When the dome goes up, Rennie sees it as an opportunity to seize control over the town once and for all, constitution or Presidential orders be damned. Behind the scenes, he’s able to orchestrate chaos amongst the townspeople, and he turns them against anyone that doesn’t fall in line with his plans. He appoints what would otherwise be small town bullies to run a Gestapo-like police force that plunges the town further into chaos. And of course, unknown to all but a few, Big Jim’s running the world’s largest Meth lab behind the town’s gospel station. Those who challenge big Jim’s authority quickly find themselves on the mortician’s slab. Loaded with poisonous gas and an atomic bombs worth of explosive liquid propane, the lab is a disaster waiting to happen.
In the past decade, King seems to have turned away from supernatural horrors, focusing more n the terrible things we seem perfectly capable of inflicting on one another. While he still relies too much on the Deus Ex Machina technique to wrap up his third act (the science fiction reveal and how it’s used to eventually lift the dome is a stretch) Under the Dome remains an essential read for horror fans. King describes in minute and explosive detail how a town full of mostly good people can lapse into murder, rape and anarchy in less than a week. King’s devil is in the details, and it’s a fascinating journey watching a town wiped out not by the Dome closing down over them, but by their own reactions in pulling that invisible noose tighter around their collective necks.
I add many heaping dashes of nostalgia to my posts, so if the taste isn’t to your liking, I’m sorry. Blogging is self-indulgent and it’s one of very few ways I have of sharing my own personal history, however unimportant or uninteresting it may be. I have a pretty good memory and most of my horror watching recollection is associated with great moments in an otherwise bumpy life. It’s not farfetched to say that horror movies were often my friend, and many times even like family. It’s twisted, but nothing really comforts me like a good horror film.
Some actors appear in so many genre films that I sometimes develop a strong affinity for them. Even though they are “acting”, most of the time their true personality still shines through. There is one man in particular who I feel has been with me my whole life and his magnetic presence has been very comforting and inspiring to me. He’s been in several great movies that I’ve watched over and over and still watch to this day. He provides a certain class and gravity to any work, large or small. I feel a rather large kinship with him and every time I see him on the screen, my heart swells with love. I’m talking about Mr. Clu Gulager.
Most of you will remember Mr. Gulager as slightly irresponsible medical supply warehouse supervisor Burt in The Return of the Living Dead. You may also recall him from his work as the Bartender in the newer Feast series, directed by his son John Gulager. He has appeared in some cool flicks that only really got love from late night cable and video rentals like Hunter’s Blood, The Willies, and The Offspring (aka From a Whisper to a Scream). There are many other movies in which he plays much smaller roles like The Hidden and A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge, and they are all the better for his presence. If anyone emits the ultimate cool demeanor, it is Clu Gulager.
I’ve learned a lot from Mr. Gulager’s various characters. From Mason Rand I learned never to drop your stance or gaze in the face of cruel nature or a pack of bloodthirsty redneck poachers. From Burt Wilson I learned it’s ok to let a few things go as long as you’re willing to buck up later when you have to face your mistakes.
Most of all, I just wanted to thank you, Mr. Gulager. Thank you for some great memories, some solid performances, and always keeping my attention. If you ever need a place to crash, don’t hesitate to let me know.
Here are some great Clu moments in video form:
“In that movie they destroyed the brain to kill it? Was that what they did?” (The Return of the Living Dead)
A deadly throwdown with the vicious Snake. (Hunter’s Blood)
The Bartender does a little DIY surgery. (Feast 3: The Happy Finish)
“My god… what the hell happened in here?” (The Willies)
Stanley won’t take no for an answer. (The Offspring aka From a Whisper to a Scream)
As 2009 comes to a close, I think I've pretty much seen all the horror movies I'll be able to cram in this year. In the internet age of endless year end lists, here's one from me, a humble, but I like to think thoughtful, horror fan. I pride myself on checking out nearly every horror film that screens in our area theaters even if I'm not so excited about some of them. I'm so glad to be living in Boston as there is a huge genre fanbase, which means we get a lot of goodies. We usually get treated to big screen showings in our plethora of indie theaters that would never get a multiplex screening.Some of our midnight screenings are incredible and have introduced me to many obscure films and the people who make them. We also have a number of really great film festivals that fully support horror films. I also have to mention my buddy Ryan who always seems to come through with free passes to just about everything.
Some of the titles on my list may not technically be 2009 releases, but they are all movies I was able to catch in 2009 whether it be festival, major release, or straight-to-DVD release. A few of them were held over from release for so long it was tragic. All in all, I would say it was a very good year for horror, at least much better than most of the previous years in this decade. A few films pushed the envelope to an extreme and divided horror fans, others were nearly universally loved and enjoyed. Anyone who complains that horror movies sucked this year just didn't try hard enough.
Blah blah blah...
I don't like ranking, but I do love lists. Here's mine categorized by the manner in which I got to see them (Warning: I am mega super amazingly prone to hyberbole):
On the Film Fest Circuit:
Bad Biology (2008) – This is a funny-as-hell, offensive, triumphant return of Frank Henenlotter (Basket Case, Brain Damage) to filmmaking after more than 15 years. He hasn't lost a bit of his edge in his story about boy with mutant penis meets girl with mutant vagina. I'm glad to see Henenlotter hasn't compromised in the least and succeeds in delivering a totally offbeat, yet oddly endearing horror satire.
Pontypool (2008) - Imaginative creeper with a great premise. A word virus has put the small town of Pontypool in a state of zombie takeover. But, these are not the ordinary undead flesh-eating kind .This film thematically explores something that is very personally frightening to me: loss of control and obsession. Great performances, especially from Stephen McHattie (Thanks for catching my bad Perpendicular Peter. I had mistakenly listed Director Bruce McDonald in the role), as rabble-rousing DJ Grant Mazzy. This one does more with simple setting and dialogue than most mega budget Hollywood CGI fests combined.
Deadgirl (2008) - Extremely polarizing, grim film that has caused quite a stir in the horror community. Some say it's vile, unwatchable garbage, others laud it with praise for its unwavering horror. I say that any movie that can spark this much conversation is good in my book.What I got was a film that horrified me, made me think, and made me want to watch again immediately with a scrutinizing eye.
Released in the Blink of an Eye:
I Sell the Dead (2009) – Darkly humorous and full of gloomy atmosphere, this one was a real treat from the Glasseye Pix camp. Boasting an amazing cast of genre vets like Angus Scrimm, Ron Perlman, Larry Fessenden, and Dominic Monaghan, you will laugh and scream and laugh some more. Highly recommended for fans of EC comics! Read my review of I Sell the Dead here.
The House of the Devil (2009) - Ti West's (The Roost, Trigger Man) homage to no-frills 80s horror is every bit as good as you've heard. Wrought with tension and rounded with a great cast, it's one of the most fun times I've ever had at the movies. Read my review of The House of the Devil here.
Big Time Major Release:
Zombieland (2009) - Horror comedy with a little heart, a little bite, and one of the best cameos in film history. No seriously, very fun flick! Sure, the Adventureland meets Shaun of the Dead comparison may turn you off, but Adventureland was funny I thought. Read my Zombieland review here.
Drag Me to Hell (2009) - Does the term "mixed expectations" exist? Because that's how I felt going in. I knew Sam Raimi would deliver a clever and manic movie, but would it be a good horror movie? Well, I had a hell of a good time watching it, and you will, too! Full of amazing camera work, some jump out of your seat scares, and the most bile vomit that a PG13 film can get away with. An excellent time at the theater!
Paranormal Activity (2009) Little indie surprise movie was one of the most terrifying experiences I've ever had at the movies. This is the scariest hand-held horror movie since The Blair Witch Project (take that as you will), and one of the most frightening ever made, in my humble opinion. I have to thank Mike for championing this one before I had heard any of the subsequent hype. I seriously lost some sleep for a few days after this one and still have a tough time doing laundry in my basement. Ready my Paranormal Activity review here.
Sadly, had to wait for DVD:
The Children (2008) – A surprisingly scary, violent, and well-made film with some of the most genuinely creepy, yet adorable, kiddos I've ever seen on the screen. This may have been my overall favorite horror film of the past few years. You can enjoy it on two levels: as deep, dark satire or simply as just a flick about murderous kids. However you choose to view it, you are in for an intense treat. Read my review of The Children here.
Grace (2009) – Paul Solet's thoughtful, visceral, and satirical film about the horrors of motherhood is easily one of the best horror films I've seen in years. It's gorgeously shot, carefully calculated, and filled with chilling performances from Jordan Ladd and Gabrielle Rose.
Trick r Treat (2008) – Excellent love letter to Halloween and horror fans! This anthology is full of color and wonder and never shies away from delivering many gruesome treats. The performances are all great, the atmosphere is perfect, and that scene with the masked kids on the school bus is absolutely chilling. Great stuff! Hopefully a new anthology will pop up every year (or two) as hoped by the filmmakers.
2010, you've got some big shoes to fill! Happy New Year, everyone!!!!
With all that working against horror fans, it’s easy to overlook the fact that some great films came out this year. No one genre of horror film seemed to dominate as slashers, zombies, killer kids and even the tried and true ghost story all had their moments under the moon. Here’s what I came up with for my favorite films of the year (note: I’m playing a bit fast and loose with release dates. I know at least two of these hit the festival circuit prior to this year, but 99% of the world never got the chance to see the film until wide release this year. My site, my creative interpretation of when t came out. Nyeh!)
9. Friday the 13th While remakes remain one of the worst trends with no end in sight, now and again someone comes along and does all right by the material. With a franchise like Friday the 13th, it’s difficult to hate on the idea of a reboot when the original series had been run into the ground by a slew of increasingly craptacular sequels. I really dug the Friday reboot as it borrowed the key elements of the first four films. I also enjoyed watching a faster, more human Jason hack and slash his way through the movies, rather than the plodding zombie he’d become by part six of the original series. While I can’t argue that the cast is by and large filled with douche bags, unfortunately that’s par for the course nowadays. Also, I don’t get how film gets so much fanboy hate, but the putrid My Bloody Valentine movie gets high marks and escapes criticism by and large.
8. The Children Somehow a movie about a bunch of cute little kids that go all homicidal and stabby wound up being the first film my wife and I watched after she peed on a stick. Gotta love a movie that does not hold back when it comes to little kids going on a homicidal rampage. The Brits are quickly catching up with the French when it comes to messed up, gory horror films. Combine the kinda icky incestuous vibe coming off the uncle and teenage niece and you’ve got a twisted story. The film is unbearably tense at times and gorgeously shot. The myriad shots of blood on the snow appears both beautiful and gruesome at the same time. My wife disagrees, but I loved the ambiguity of the closing moment of the film as well.
7. Drag Me to Hell There’s a chapter in Doris Kearns Goodwin’s bio of the Roosevelt’s titled “The Old Master’s still got it” and that applies here with Raimi’s return to horror. It featured a lot of the slapstick horror that’s made Evil Dead 2 so endearingly watchable decades later. It also demonstrated how much clout Raimi has as a director that the film earned a PG-13 rating despite copious amounts of gristle, vomit and blood throughout the film. I still don’t understand how this movie didn’t do boffo dollars at the box office. Maybe it was the lack of Bruce and his magical chin.
6. Orphan Simply put, there are not enough films featuring angelic looking pre-teens threatening to castrate young boys while they piss their pajamas for my taste. Easily one of the most enjoyable “see it in the theater” experiences of the year. Seeing this with a sold out midnight crowd howling and yelling at the screen in the best possible way reminded me how awesome going to the movies can be. The film doesn’t take itself too seriously and Esther is so over the top evil and awesome. The movie reminds us that like house hunting, it’s important not to fall in love with the first orphan you see when looking to adopt.
5. Zombieland While it might not be as clever as Shaun of the Dead this was the perfect zombie comedy for the XBOX generation. With the self referential survival rules sprinkled throughout the flick (sorry fellow fatties, we’re the first to get eaten), the best use of Bill Murray in a film since Rushmore, and a cracking cast highlighted by Woody Harrelson at his comedic best, this was easily the best zombie film of the year. The chemistry with the cast was so good that by and large it’s easy to forget that the second act is mostly zombie free. Add the gleeful carnage of the climax, where Wally World is overrun by blood thirsty zombies just waiting to get shot gunned to the head, and you’ve got yourself a great flick. Grab yourself a box of Twinkies and pick this up the second it’s released on DVD.
4. Grace Teetering the fine line between horror and Art House, the story of a young mother that will go all out to nurse her newborn contains some of the most disturbing images committed to film this year. Whether it’s a nursery where endless strips of fly paper replace the mobile above the crib, or an elderly woman pumping mother’s milk out of a withered breast, Grace is hard to stomach but impossible not to watch. Thankfully, the film leaves open to interpretation exactly what baby Grace is, smartly focusing on what the mother’s desperate love for her will push her to do.
3. Trick ‘r Treat Perhaps the greatest tragedy of Superman Returns underperforming at the box office is its screenwriter Mike Doughty was punished by having his directorial debut shelved by WB for three years before being dumped to DVD. It’s too bad because this anthology film is a loving tribute to the greatest holiday of the year, and is sure to be associated with the 31st of October like A Christmas Story is with its December counterpart. The stories weave in and out of one another and cleverly play with the “rules” of Halloween, exacting swift punishment on those that don’t observe them. Trick ‘r Treat also gave us a great new icon for horror: the malevolent little hellion of Sam. With his footsie pajamas and a sackcloth mask covering his pumpkin sized head, this lil’ bastard is the coolest character to hit the screen in a long while.
2. Paranormal Activity It’s fitting that a decade after Blair Witch Project broke out, another low budget found footage horror flick that had faith audiences could use their imagination to scare themselves senseless. Made for about $15,000, the film has crossed the 100 million dollar mark. It definitely suffered backlash from people that didn’t find it scary enough, but my argument to that is by and large, those complaints stem from mostly non-horror fans or those that have been conditioned by years of bad films to think loud musical cues and cats jumping from closets equal scary movie. While it owes part of the windfall to a unique marketing campaign and theatrical rollout, if the story was crap, people would have stayed away. It took a while to build up, but each new scene in the bedroom ratcheted up the tension to nearly unbearable levels. Love it or not, Paranormal Activity served as a fantastic remedy or the bloated and gratuitous torture porn , the kiddie “horror” flicks featuring expressionless teen models, and the never ending parade of remakes that too often flooded the screens this year.
1. House of the Devil I’ll have a full review of this movie up after seeing it again Christmas night, but in short, no other film came close to the beauty of this one. While a lot of horror films claim to b a “throwback to 80’s horror”, all of them usually do so with tongue in cheek, or simply think piling the blood on screen is all it takes to make a good film. Not House of the Devil. This looks like it came from a late 70’s time capsule, which in my opinion, is the best, most creative era of American film. Ti West takes a long time setting up the Black Mass of the third act, and it pays off in a big way. The simple story of a college girl who picked the wrong babysitting ad to reply to simply crushed any other effort that came out all year.
Written by: Thomas Moldestad & Roar Uthaug (story)
I'd been hearing good things about Norwegian slasher Cold Prey for a while, so I was eager to check it out. I had actually tried to watch it on netflix “watch now”, but it had a mind-numbingly bad English dubbed soundtrack (Get the disc with subtitles instead. Trust me). I was particularly struck with the atmosphere of intense icy landscapes and the decrepit abandoned ski resort. Sounded perfect for a cold Boston winter night. What I got was a competently shot, incredibly well-acted, but ultimately unsatisfying movie experience. It was frustrating for me because they really did get a lot of things right.
The minimalist storyline of Cold Prey follows five gorgeous Norwegian twenty-somethings as they embark upon an excursion of snowboarding, fun, and being really adorable. When one of the group is injured in a rough snowboarding crash, they seek shelter in a spooky old ski resort. Since they are far away from their cars and it's getting dark, they decide to spend the night in the hopes of finding help the next morning. They come to discover that the place has been abandoned for 30 years after a young boy had disappeared in the snow. After tending to Tobias, they explore the resort, have a few drinks, and sort out their complex relationships. Meanwhile, a hulking presence stalks them, and he has a nasty looking pick-ax.
What keeps Cold Prey going is the incredible performances by the cast of young adults. Their rapport is undeniable, and you'd be hard pressed not to believe they really hadn't known each other all their lives. Their emotional interaction, the laughing and crying, all seems very genuine. The casting is stellar and there are no unlikeable people stacked merely as fodder for the maniac. They are also not so perfectly beautiful that you don't buy them as real people. It was nice that the filmmakers decided to let us get to know the characters before the bloodshed, and their introduction was never boring.
The vast frozen vistas were also gorgeously shot. The cinematography was cool as ice, and the mountains were overpowering in magnificence. Too bad I didn't get to see this on the big screen because it surely would have been a treat. Inside the lodge was also suitably creepy with long shots of darkened hallways, creaky staircases, and dank basements. There were a few too many cheap “jump” scares for my taste, but the overall pervasiveness of dread was there.
The quibbles I have with the film are with the story itself. I get annoyed when I can figure out the ending within the first few minutes of a movie. It's pretty easy to tell where this one is headed from the get go. I guess predictability bums me out when Cold Prey had a chance to truly re-invent the slasher genre. Luckily, everything in between is tense, creepy, very well-acted (I know, I keep saying that), and doesn't let up on the carnage once it gets going.
The one thing that really kept me from completely enjoying this was the music. Everything from the opening theme onto the finale felt really canned and overdramatic. Time and again I've voiced my opinion that horror always works best with minimal or no music, but the music in Cold Prey was so overbearing I thought they had accidentally inserted a Harry Potter soundtrack into the mix. Very disappointing is that the soundtrack almost always took me out of the action and made me aware that I was watching a movie, rather than get immersed in the intensity.
I'm late on Cold Prey, and there is a sequel that is getting some good praise. I've read about a third entry being filmed or released or something that I'm too lazy to verify right now. I'm going to end by saying that you should probably give this one a chance, especially on a cold winter night.
This poster for our inaugural film screening event was designed and illustrated by my good friend Michelle "Mothra" Millette. Michelle is an incredibly talented writer and filmmaker living in lovely Austin, Texas. She is also a kick ass artist and lover of the horror. It's fitting that she created the first poster for our event as she gave me my first chance to work in film production on her own first feature film shoot a few years ago.
Here's a link to her hilarious, sometimes heartbreaking blog where she rants about working in the world of film production from the standpoint of 1st A.D. Going for Picture
A little bit late today as Sunday morning is quickly turning into afternoon. It was hectic around here as we just had two feet of snow dropped on us, and on top of that, I had shovel both our cars out, take the wife to the airport (somehow her flight to London is the ONLY flight on the East Coast to leave as scheduled), brave the disaster that is the Expressway there and back, shovel some more than move the cars out of their spots so the plow people could make all our spots wider. Phew. Now that we’ve past those bits of unpleasantness, it’s time to make some bacon and eggs, unwind with a steaming mug of coffee and catch up on some horror sites. Here’s what I’m reading this week:
I’ll be honest, I have no idea how this ended up in my Google reader. I don’t remember adding it or seeking it out. It just happened to show up one day, like the weird kid from chem. Class that crashes all your parties. I’m glad I checked it out rather than deleting it, because it’s become a must read site for me. You can probably tell from the title but its author a)isn’t afraid to express a strong opinion and b) digs zombies. There’s an emphasis on horror from the heyday of VHS in this site as exploitation, creature feature and B movies are at the forefront. There’s a definite nostalgia for the time when one came across an unknown gem of a film either by randomly choosing a title based on box art or tracking it down months after reading an article in an issue of Fangoria, as opposed to the current state of the industry, where everything is a click and a download away. Check out his article on the heyday of the “mom and pop” video store His list of the Top 10 Most Disturbing Films of All Time
I fell in love with this site around Halloween. It ran a month long series spotlighting the best and worst horror sequels and the posts were an incredibly entertaining read, plus he had other friends and bloggers give their own list of favorite sequels as well. There’s a definite love for the so bad its good side of horror contained within, and the site has its tongue firmly planted in cheek Elves, Trolls & Nazi, oh my.
The go to site for all things weird. This site is a smogorsborg of horror, gore, 1970s afterschool specials and so much more. Uncle Lancifer posses the uncanny ability to find the weirdest of the oddball stuff that populates the web and gives it a home. As one would guess by the name, there's a lot of stuff talks about the things that messed kids up way back in yesteryear. One of the more popular features is the Traumafessions, where readers write in to reveal what left them shivering under the covers with the night light on as wee ones. Traumafessions: Japanese Puppet Shows Black Christmas Scramble
A group of friends head out of New York City and into the remote upstate area for a weekend getaway celebrating tier friend’s twenty first birthday. En route, a seemingly simple case of aggressive driving escalates. The friends find themselves stalked by an ominous van, as he turns up wherever they are at-a gas station, a local diner, and finally outside the confines of their no longer idyllic vacation home. This is the premise of Dominic Perez’ new indie horror film “Evil Things”.
As a rule, I’m a fan of found-footage horror films. Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity remain two of the scariest movie going experiences I’ve ever had. Films like REC and Cloverfield are near the top of my list. I even liked The Last Broadcast until the ridiculous reveal. When done well, I enjoy the voyeuristic aspect and how the technique puts the viewer in the middle of the action.
The early stages of the film set up the climate nicely. Adding to the group’s tension of being followed and harassed by the van are the icy road conditions and their general unfamiliarity with the area. The van keeps popping up unexpectedly, and the lids get more and more freaked out every time they see it. This leads to a great red herring scare. Once they arrive at the house, they discover there’s no heat or electricity, there’s no cell reception because they’re in the middle nowhere (and in a horror movie, so of course cell phones don’t work) and still tweaked by the thoughts that the guy in a van is out there when they see headlights pulling up to the house. While the driver turns out to be one of the girl’s aunts returning after she’s realized she’s left them with no power or heat, the buildup is fantastic.
Unfortunately, the film loses some steam in the second act. While we get the prerequisite and needed scenes of the group settling in and partying a bit, the real killer is a long scene where the friends get lost after an afternoon of hiking and horseplay in the surrounding woods. While the situation is tense as the friends quickly turn on one another, point fingers and curse one another out as their stranded in the frigid conditions, it drags on too long and detracts from the earlier momentum from the first act.
Luckily, things pick up when the group returns. The last twenty minutes of the film have the group toyed with, terrorized by and picked off one by one by the earlier antagonist. After a couple disturbing phone calls, the kids find a videocassette left on their doorstep. In one of Evil Things best sequences, the friends play back the tape, then have a collective meltdown as see themselves filmed by the unidentified man, as it shows them from his perspective from earlier points in the film. Ratcheting up the game of cat and mouse, the tape ends with shots of each of them being filmed sleeping, blissfully unaware he was watching over them the night before. This sets them off in a panic, and unable to come to a group consensus of how to handle the situation, not able to call for outside help, they make themselves easy prey. In another nice touch, the majority of these sequences are seen from the point of view of the stalker’s camera. In one sequence, a handicam mounted to the dashboard of his van show him running one of the girls off the road and out of frame. We here her screaming and him in pursuit, and then…nothing. The final five minutes of the film are eerily similar to REC, where the his night vision cam show our last girl standing blindly fumbling through the house for an exit, completely unaware that she’s being watched. It’s a nerve wracking final sequence and completely effective climax.
By and large, the film works. I do have some issues with the movie however. I’ve mentioned the woods scene, which really does put a drag on the film and throws off the pacing. I’d rather the focus remain on the stalking of the kids, with maybe a bit more time spent cutting them down when the poop hits the fan. While the last twenty minutes are tremendously effective, they feel a bit rushed at points. I also found myself confused by the score in the third act. While it’s simple and adds to the mood, why would there be a score in a movie being presented as actually happening. This pulled me out of the suspension of disbelief a bit. If I’m correct in my assumption about the finale-that what we’re viewing is the edited together “movie” put together by the killer using his footage and the friends’ footage for his own twisted film-then I can buy why a score was included.
What I’d like to see is a slightly different edit of the film that scraps the idea of presenting solely found footage. The marketing of the movie is terrific. I received the screener in a manila envelope addressed from ‘Agent Perez”. Inside the package was a letter from the FBI asking for help trying to break the case and a DVD marked as confidential evidence by the US Department of Justice. The website includes a section marked families/friends where those closest to the victims beg for their loved ones safe return. I would like to see an approach similar to the Poughkeepsie Tapes. In that move, FBI and family testimonials are entwined with the footage of the killer filming himself capturing and tormenting his victims. I will say that Evil Things is a FAR superior movie overall than Poughkeepsie, which I found myself unable to get through. Still, the narrative would have benefitted with this docudrama footage of local police and family members telling their side of the story, and would have allowed them to trim some of the padded pieces in the second act.
For a low budget film (The whole shebang was filmed in a week for less than $20,000) Perez gets the most out of his dollar, especially with regards to his cast. The five college kids come extremely natural, and it was easy to buy into their friendship and relationships. They even look like normal, early “20 somethings” as opposed to actors grunged up to appear norm. In reading the bios of the cast, it appears most have theater experience, which must have gone a long way to helping the improvisational feel of the shoot. When they weren’t having the piss scared out of them, the group comes off as very likeable, and each have their own personality, unlike so many of modern horrors interchangeable cannon fodder characters. Special kudos goes out to Torrey Weiss as Tanya, or as I referred to her throughout the movie, the “wet blanket” of the bunch. See, every time a group of friends get together for a road trip, there’s always one person who’s determined to bring down the fun factor of the bunch. With her made up illnesses out of nowhere, her determination to not join the friends for any fun activities, and her incessant whining, needling and accusations when the friends were lost in the woods, Ms. Weiss was a dead ringer for that friend you just want to choke the shit out of.
Evil Things has started to make its way through the festival circuit while hoping for someone to pick up the film for distribution. I have to believe someone will pick it up, whether it’s for limited theatrical run or straight to DVD. It definitely deserves to be seen, as it does an admirable job of building a tense atmosphere before delivering the goods in the climax. Perez’ initial foray into filmmaking proves once again that one doesn’t need a bloated budget or convoluted story to make a great film.
This New Year’s Eve, my wife and I are spending a few days with friends in a secluded house in Vermont. I can’t wait to pop this in during the middle of the night with friends while we’re in the middle of nowhere, and see how they react to the movie.
Evil Things will show as part of the monthly "All Things Horror Presents" movie series this March. Stay tuned for the date and details.
(This is all you need to blast your way to beautiful blood spattered walls!)
Periodic contributor and all around great dude Chris Rochon sent me a link to this cool article in Microfilmmaker Magazine. (article by Kip Kay)
Here's what Chris had to say:
So, I hate CGI. There I just came right out and said it. I like the old blood effects, not these weird super-spray-turbo-overload-floating-in-the-air blood effects everyone is doing. Anyway, maybe you make movies or little youtube videos about cool stuff and you want to shoot someone and have it look super rad and not like Super Mario 3 or whatever. I just found out how to do that from this article here, and now you can too.
I personally think someone should try it with a dog… how cool would that be?
How cool, indeed, Chris! Maybe some of you can try it and send us the video and we'll post it on All Things Horror!
"There are twelve good reasons to be afraid of the dark. And every one of them is a killer."
When I was a kid, cable used to rule. On any given weekend I could set my VCR to record after midnight on the extended play option and record six hours worth of movies on the shittiest quality tape setting. Out of those six hours, I would always hit upon some offbeat horror film, bizarre comedy, goofy action, and/or something with naked people in it. It was always a crapshoot, but I often found many of my favorite movies that way like Hunter’s Blood, Waxwork, Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat and many other low-budget, totally under-the-radar stuff. There was definitely not as much treasure as trash, but that depends on your definition. I tend to give a lot of leeway and have a lot of not-so-guilty pleasures.
Anyway, one of my favorite discoveries, and one that eluded me for many years after, was a little-known, kinda terrible, kinda charming horror film full of ridiculous monsters called Neon Maniacs. It’s a movie where you want to ignore incidental things like good acting, thoughtful dialogue, and logic. You'll really just need to divorce yourself from your brain, sit back with a bottle of your favorite bottled drink, pop some fresh popcorn (with real butter, dammit!), sit back and enjoy the carnage. That's what this flick does best!
The premise of Neon Maniacs is simple and, at times, completely moronic. A bunch of monsters inexplicably live under the Golden Gate Bridge. At night they come out and wreak havoc on horny teenagers, returning before the sun comes up. One lucky young lady, Natalie (Leilani Sarelle who went on to bigger and better things like Basic Instinct!), survives an attack, but has trouble convincing her friends that this horde of creatures exists. After more teens are killed, they finally admit that maybe there's something to her story. After many close encounters, a group of Natalie's friends agrees to band together to destroy the psycho monsters once and for all. In the finale, the maniacs descend upon a big battle of the bands dance extravaganza and slaughter kids to a fist pumping live pop rock performance.
(Keep playing, guys. We have to show em we're pros. If you break a string, don't stop playing. If costumed monsters come in and massacre the place, don't quit. The show must go on.)
Luckily, the kids discover that WATER kills the maniacs. Pretty awesome and totally makes sense! Why the hell wouldn’t the maniacs choose to live under the Golden Gate Bridge where a rather large amount of water flows so closely?! I guess they’re just following that “keep your enemies close” philosophy by having hundreds of millions of gallons of it right outside their door. Why does water, the main component of living things, something that they are probably 80% made up of, kill them? How does it not kill them when they're breathing in water vapor? I don't know, but maybe this influenced M. Night Shyamalan in some breakthrough writing for the climax of Signs. I guess he may have been just dying for a good ending, saw Neon Maniacs on some late night horror show, and a light bulb went off. I'm just speculating.
(Can you help us kill...er figure out where our stop is?)
(This is the last time we take the train into the city)
Like a toy series, each monster comes with its own theme and type of weapon, kinda like professional wrestling with costumes and signature moves. I think there were about a dozen different maniacs. I really wanted to post one image for each of them, but didn’t uncover too many in my fruitless google image search. The parade of monsters includes a samurai with sword, a soldier with a machine gun, a surgeon, an ape man, an “Indian” with a tomahawk, dude with a crossbow, and many more delightfully idiotic yet simultaneously awesome maniacs. Some of the makeup effects are pretty cool, and others look like the budget had run dry and the filmmakers were content with using shit laying about.
("Melty face"??? Really, guys? Is that the best insult you can come up with?)
Look, none of this matters. All that's important to remember is this movie is 91 minutes of pure enjoyment from beginning to end. There are tons of kills, always a cool monster on screen, those 80's sensibilities that people like to crack wise about, and plenty of people gettin' it on just before getting their limbs hacked off. Don't pretend like you're above all that.
Here's a clip of the subway scene. If you're not hooked, then you're probably one of those uptight yuppy types who walk around talking about wine vintages and have a permanent look on your face like you just smelled a fart.
Luckily for us degenerates, Neon Maniacs is available on DVD from Anchor Bay. It doesn't have any extras other than the trailer which is disappointing, but at least it's a nice widescreen edition.
.jpg)
